Reason #98 Why Women Shouldn't Be Allowed to Drive

Ok, so today, June 6, I'm driving down 123 towards Brockton to bring Pat to the RMV to register is car. While driving, I notice that there is an SUV stopped in the middle of the road, with its front smashed in about halfway up the hood. In the car is a woman with her door open talking to the cops. She has one hand on her forehead and the other is facing upwards in a sort of half shrug. There are no other damaged cars that I can see. About 50 feet further up the road is a telephone pole that is HANGING from the wires because it has be snapped into 3 pieces, one where it was struck by an object, hmmm, wonder what that was, and again higher up near the wires themselves. Now today was a nice sunny day, with no rain, so you gotta wonder what happened to make this woman hit the telephone pole going fast enough to break it in 2 places, smash the shit out of her car, and then travel an addition 50 feet down the road before stopping. She was still there on our way back from the RMV, so she was there for a while. Based on the motions she was making with her hands, and knowledge of how women drive, I have come up with the following scenerio of how she did this. OK, so she's driving along on her way to get her nails done and she's running late so she is speeding. She pulls out her cell phone to talk to her girl friends about how fabulous her nails will be once they are manicured. At the same time she realizes that she didn't put on any eye liner and that she looks hideous, so she starts to apply her makeup. Now, while she's on the phone and putting on her makeup, she remembers that she is having her period, so she rummages through her purse and finds a tampon, then she procedes to remove the used tampon and insert the new one. About this time she gets alittle hungry so she starts to eat her chicken nuggets, but wants some dipping sauce so she opens the sauce and dips in a nugget. So, while speeding, talking on the phone, applying make up, removing and inserting a tampon, and eating, she smashes into a telephone pole and breaks it in 2 places. But because she is late, tries to keep driving even though her radiator is smashed in, so she only makes it 50 feet before her car dies. You be the judge.