News Flash

Kaylas sweating Daves Balls

Crazy George's concern.

Okay first some background on Crazy George: He works with all of us at Burger King and suffers from what's known as "Happy Thoughts" or "Shell Shock" which causes him to smile and grin at random times. Today as per usual Kerri was being mean to him bossing him around and telling him all these things he had to do for her so when I saw him roll his eyes I felt bad.

I said quietly as not to be overheard by Kerri, "George on the day you quit here you should smack her real good." and he replied (which is unusual in and of itself because George usually doesn't talk much), "What ever happened to Kyle is he coming back?" When I told him no he asked me why and when I told him he goes, "Well Patty was being a bitch she kept losing all his sandwiches and Kerri was screaming too, I'm going to miss him."

So there you have it folks, George and Kyle's special bond that Kyle probably didn't know existed, until now.

Walk in Service...

So the other day I was in the walk-in with Jim, and I wasn't sure what to do....



...So I Pam'd him.

Decisions

The other day i was at the store picking out ice cream to buy, but i was having a hard time chosing between the chocolate and the vanilla ice creams.....
so i Kayla'd it.

BK Quotes

Kayla:

"I think the guy at drive-thru is blind."

"Xavi tastes like chocolate and shame." may be paraphrased

"Where is the South Shore?"

Jim:

"Why don't I eat a dick?"

"Kayla is probably trying to find someone to ride the black stallion." turns around and Kayla is at the counter

"All you do is make fun of the stupid stuff I say. And my gayness."

"I love little kids." then he licks his lips

"I'm the poster child for perverts."

Amanda:

"Oh Gosh." who says gosh who isn't 6 or from the fifties?

Justin:

"Beep boop beep, various mechanical sounds. Me arm just transformed into a cannon and I shot at you."

"Oh yea? Well, I'll send an army of trolls to destroy you."

"I'm building a castle where my dad's village used to be."

Picture Describes Itself

Maybe a baby?

If Justin and Pam had a child, it would look like this.

It's Raining Cups

One summer back when I was in high school, I was closing with Jim and Greg something, can't remember his last name. Anyway over the course of the night, we were all laughing and making fun of Jim per usual. Eventually, we were all upfront by the counter and were laughing at something Jim had said or done, and he didn't think it was funny. He said: "That's it. No more laughing at me. I'm in charge and I order you to stop laughing." This only made us laugh even harder, and in his frustration, Jim threw his hands up into the air, only he had been holding onto the cups that had just been stocked. When his hands went up, he threw probably about 30 small and medium sized cups up into the air, some of which banged around in the rafters and sort of "parachuted" down rather slowly. It seemed like cups fell or a couple minutes. The whole thing just made us laugh harder at Jim.

ALERT ESCAPED CONVICTS IN THE AREA

This is a really funny story that took place last May. It was Kayla's first night closing alone as a manager. Kyle and I thought of a funny plot to tell Kayla, when she came in at 3, that there were some prisoners who had just escaped from the prison in Bridgewater. Rich? the maintenance guy for the company was in the store at the same time and said that he would go along with it also. So before Kayla got there everyone was informed with our plan, except of course our boss Patty whom we did not share our devious plan with.

So at 3pm Kayla came walking in and we set our in motion. We began talking about the escape, and asked Kayla if she had seen the news before she came to work and she said 'no' so we told her about the prison break. Right away Kayla started to freak out in typical Kayla fashion. She started ranting away about how she was going to be robbed and blah, blah, blah.

So finally after seemingly endless amounts of "kaylaness" worrying about the escaped convicts (because naturally if someone was to escape from prison the first place they would go to would be burger king when kayla is working right?) Kayla begins to whine to our boss (who, if you remember is not in on the joke)about the prisoners... and our boss replies "Dont worry Kayla, the prisoners arent going to come here".
It was perfect.

Kyle finally told her that it was a joke once she began to cry.

Oh Rats

One day during the summer of 2006, Kyle and I decided to tell little lie to Pam. Actually it happened quite randomly. I started talking to Kyle about the basement in a tone of which he had been down there and knew about it. And of course Pam's ears chipped up like a chipmunks and she began to question us about the basement.

She knew that there was an attic, but that there is not a basement. But we managed to convince her that in fact there was one. We told her that the bulk head, the entrance to the basement was out by the Drive Thru, behind the dumpster pad, but it was hidden by the trees and bushes that had overgrown. We told her that we both have gone down in there.

Kyle went on the tell Pam about how our old boss George would have him go down there and kill the man-eating rats that lived in the basement.


It wasnt for about a week later that Pam came up to us and told us that she asked her mother (the assistant manager of 15 years)if it was true that there was a basement in which Kyle had to go down into and kill man-eatin rats, and her mother thought that she was crazy, and told her that it wasnt true.

Reason #98 Why Women Shouldn't Be Allowed to Drive

Ok, so today, June 6, I'm driving down 123 towards Brockton to bring Pat to the RMV to register is car. While driving, I notice that there is an SUV stopped in the middle of the road, with its front smashed in about halfway up the hood. In the car is a woman with her door open talking to the cops. She has one hand on her forehead and the other is facing upwards in a sort of half shrug. There are no other damaged cars that I can see. About 50 feet further up the road is a telephone pole that is HANGING from the wires because it has be snapped into 3 pieces, one where it was struck by an object, hmmm, wonder what that was, and again higher up near the wires themselves. Now today was a nice sunny day, with no rain, so you gotta wonder what happened to make this woman hit the telephone pole going fast enough to break it in 2 places, smash the shit out of her car, and then travel an addition 50 feet down the road before stopping. She was still there on our way back from the RMV, so she was there for a while. Based on the motions she was making with her hands, and knowledge of how women drive, I have come up with the following scenerio of how she did this. OK, so she's driving along on her way to get her nails done and she's running late so she is speeding. She pulls out her cell phone to talk to her girl friends about how fabulous her nails will be once they are manicured. At the same time she realizes that she didn't put on any eye liner and that she looks hideous, so she starts to apply her makeup. Now, while she's on the phone and putting on her makeup, she remembers that she is having her period, so she rummages through her purse and finds a tampon, then she procedes to remove the used tampon and insert the new one. About this time she gets alittle hungry so she starts to eat her chicken nuggets, but wants some dipping sauce so she opens the sauce and dips in a nugget. So, while speeding, talking on the phone, applying make up, removing and inserting a tampon, and eating, she smashes into a telephone pole and breaks it in 2 places. But because she is late, tries to keep driving even though her radiator is smashed in, so she only makes it 50 feet before her car dies. You be the judge.

Mmm Chocolate.

This isn't a story, its just a fact. Kayla has a chocolate fetish.

The Cold Blow

This one goes way back. It involves Pam and Adam Oteri. Its pretty short, so I'll get right to it. Adam's nickname at work was "Inches" because he was short, but at the end of this story you'll see its for another reason too. Ok, so one day Pam and Adam are working together and by some twist of fate, they end up in the walk-in together at the same time. They get to talking and apparently, Adam tried to kiss Pam, and she sort of "pushed" him away. But when they were face to face, she said, "oh, let me tie my shoe" and knelt down in front of him. I bet you can guess where this is going. So anyway, once she was down there she <censored due to explicit content>. Can you believe that? At work and everything. Although no one actually saw it happen, there are enough hearsay swirling around to piece everything together. And as you can see now, Adam "Inches" Oteri was short in more ways then one.

Xavi's Shower.

So Kyle and I were closing last Friday but we had Xavi there until 1130. So anyways, Kyle and Xavi had been going back and fourth with jokes/pranks on each other all night but it didn't end until the final prank.

I told Kyle we should play the old "water balanced on door" prank. He agreed so we waited. I asked Xavi to go out to the dining room and clean it right away and Kyle set everything up. When it was all in order I called Xavi back behind the counter to help me "lift something". Trying to be Rico Suave as per usual he hops over the counter. I told him nevermind I'd just ask Kyle and he went to walk out of the door, but Kyle slyly stood in his way so he hopped back over the counter. A few minutes later I went back into the kitchen by the broiler and started screaming about what Xavi had done. (He hadn't done anything) Thinking that I was really pissed off Xavi comes busting through the door and gets covered with water. Kyle and I burst out laughing, while Xavi pouts.

Hahahaha, THE END.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Comeback Queen

Today, June 4, 2007. Kayla is complaining about something one of the new kids has done.

Kayla: "Make sure you don't add any new onion rings before the old ones are removed."
Kyle: "Or what?"
Kayla: "Or I'll cut you."
Kyle: "Yea? See how that works. I'll smack the black out of you."
Kayla: "There's no black in me."
Kyle: "I bet there was some black in you last night."
Justin: "Ooooooooohhhhh!"
Kayla: "..."
Kayla: "Yea, well I bet there was black in you last night too."
Kyle: "Wow, great comeback, you just said exactly what I said. How did you come up with that? Wow. Amazing."
Kayla: "Shut up."
Kyle: "This is going on the blog."

And so it has.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Did you know that if you put a sock on a cats head, it will walk around backwards? Anyone with a cat needs to try it.

Why Kayla Ruins Everything

This one goes back a few years. I supposed to train the new kid on how to make sandwiches on main board. We'll call him Retard Paul. So as I'm training him, he asks me if he has met me before. He hasn't so I tell him so, but then he goes on to say that he's positive that he has seen me somewhere before, and wants to know if I have ever been on TV, maybe in a commercial or something. Well, this is a golden opportunity to have some fun. I ask him if he had been to or watched any Pawtucket Red Sox games last year, luckily he had. I told him I was probably at the game he went to. At first he was skeptical, how could he have recognized me from the thousands of other people that were at that game, so I told him. I told him that was because I was playing in the game, not watching it. That for a week last summer, I was recalled from single A Lowell to play for AAA Pawtucket while one of their players was injured. He was shocked, but then asked why I was working at BK if I was a professional baseball player. I told him that a single A contract was only worth about $200 a week, so I needed a regular job and that I had worked here before I went pro, so they took me back whenever I was home. He was thrilled and started asking me all kinds of questions. He wanted to know my stats, if I had a shot at going pro, and all sorts of things. I told him that I didn't have a lot of power, and only hit 4-5 home runs a year, but I was a .450 hitter (which never happens), so I was hoping that after this season I would go up to AAA for a year or 2 and hopefully make the team or be traded to a team that could use me. I told him that I had met all the players on the pro team, and that I had actually spoken to a few of them, and that I saw Manny Ramirez, Johnny Damon, and Trot Nixon a few times a year at the annual outfielders meetings, and that Manny is exactly like he appears to be and is a really funny and cool guy, but Johnny Damon is a huge asshole who thinks he is better then everyone else. Retard Paul was shocked, he said that he couldn't believe that Damon could be a prick, he always looked so nice on TV. Well I said, he is. He just acts nice on TV to get people to like him, but in the clubhouse, he's a douche. This ended up going on for about 2 weeks, where whenever he saw me he would ask me questions about the Red Sox and when I was gonna play again. I was currently injured, which is why I was working at BK and not playing for the Paw Sox. But one day I came in and he said that he couldn't believe I had lied to him. I didn't actually play for the Sox and I had never done anything that I had said I had. He said that Kayla had told him that I was lying. Can you believe that bullshit? YOU RUINED A PERFECTLY GOOD JOKE KAYLA! I COULD HAVE DRAGGED THAT ONE OUT FOR THE WHOLE SUMMER! But you can see why I gave him the name Retard Paul. Just writing this story made me angry.

Jim's Shame

This one took place 3 years ago. I was working with Jim and Jimmy Hewitt. Somehow our conversation got to the topic of hamsters, so i decided to tell Jimmy about the time that Jim put a hamster up his butt. At first Jimmy didn't believe me, but it didn't take long for him to come around and think that Jim was a sick and twisted person. I had told him that Jim had shoved one of the hamster tubes up his butt, and the dropped the hamster down it, and pulled the tube out, trapping the hamster in his ass, and then a few days later, pooped it out and it was still alive. Eventually I told Jimmy the truth, but I think in the back of his mind, he thought I was just telling him so Jim wouldn't be embarrassed, cause I mean, that's totally something Jim would actually do.

Graveyard Kisser

There used to be a goofy looking kid that worked at BK named Ben Faria. One time Kayla made out with him in a graveyard. Makes you think about the people that you work with.

Bonster and Popcorn.

At Burger King we have microwaves that are set in a higher power than normal microwaves because they are made to partially cook food that has all ready been most of the way cooked. Bonnie one day, decides she wants to have some popcorn so she takes it out of the box, reads the side of the carton, and places it in the microwave while hitting the correct time. Minutes later I smell something burning, apparently Bonnie does too so we both rush to that same microwave. Bonnie gets to it first and opens it to reveal burned popcorn and lots of smoke. She starts to back away as I spring into action and grab the popcorn bringing it outside and throwing it into the dumpster. Needless to say, now we watch Bonnie more carefully when she uses the microwave.

Jim's bark, or should I say growl, is worse than his bite.

Hello bloggers I'm joining in the fun to contribute stories that may have happened while Kyle was either at school, or just not working on that day.

The first is a story about Mr. Jim Whalen that happened a few days ago. Jim and I were working, I was standing at the fry station bagging orders, and Jim was in the office. There were customers behind me standing at the coin dropper thing trying to win whoppers and such, however not having any luck. When Jim came up front to assist me in pushing orders one of the kids at the coin machine made a noise because they had been wasting all their money, all of a sudden I hear this noise from Jim that resembles a growl. I turned to Jim and said, "Did you just growl at those customers Jim?" He turned back to me and said, "Kayla they made a noise first."

Later that day, Jim and I were talking about the growling incident, while I was again pushing orders. He had crouched down next to where we keep the bags to get some to stock the station. All of a sudden I realize Jim may have been laughing a little too hard because as we're laughing and reliving the growling, Jim slowly, almost movie-like starts to fall over. He quickly gets up and runs out back to hide. Later when he comes up front I tell him, "Next time I'll yell timber."

THE END.

Screaming Justin

This happened one night while I was closing with Jim and Justin. Jim was in a particularly jumpy mode this night. Because of this he was pretty easy to scare, and Justin was taking advantage of it. He had snuck outside and was circling the building, smashing up into the windows whenever Jim got near them and making Jim scream. Jim and I decided that we should get Justin back somehow, and I had a pretty good idea, but Jim wasn't thrilled with it, mostly because he felt that he would be too scared to do it. I convinced him that even if he was scared, it would be worth it, so the trap was set. I opened the drive-thru window and crouched down underneath it, while Jim turned his back to the window and began talking to me. Jim was being used as bait to lure Justin over to the drive-thru and it worked almost perfectly. Within 5 minutes of opening the window, Justin had moved into position where he could scare Jim. Just as Justin was poking his head through the drive-thru window to scream at Jim, I popped up and shouted at him. He fell backwards out of the window, jumped up and ran screaming down the parking lot toward the street, waving his arms above his head. It was like something out of a cartoon. The best part is that Justin didn't come back for 10 minutes.

Viva Mexico

This isn't a story, its just a fact. Kayla is a Mexican.

Kayla's Dirty Little Secret

Three summers ago, there was a small party at Emily's house. Jim and Kayla were there, along with some of Emily's friends. At some point during the party, Jim attacked Kayla and started wrestling with her on the floor of Emily's living room, and at one point, nearly cracked her head open on the slate near the fireplace. Kayla was pretty upset at this and decided that at some point she would get back at Jim during the course of the party. Once the party was winding down, Jim was hammered. It got to the point where he wanted to fight people, and we all know Jim would lose a fight to a 3 year old, so he was pretty much gone. Kayla had pretended that she was fine about the wrestling and that she actually had had fun doing it, so when Jim went upstairs to go to bed in the spare bedroom, Kayla joined him, saying that the large bed was big enough for the 2 of them. What none of us realized was that this was all part of Kayla's plan to get back at Jim for earlier. Once Jim had passed out, which took about 30 seconds from the time he laid down, Kayla began to set her plan into action. She waited for everyone else to fall asleep because she didn't want anyone else to hear what was happening. The next day we woke up to a frightening and terribly disturbing ordeal. Jim had woken up with his fly open. It didn't take long for everyone to figure out what had happened. While we were all sleeping, Kayla had unzipped Jim's pants, and raped him.

Sigma 14 Coding System

This is a recent one. It took place last Tuesday, May 29. Apparently, the night before, Kayla had posted an away message on AIM that stated that she had a crush on someone named "Matt". Now since no one knew of a "Matt" that she was talking to at the time, we all assumed it was a code name for the person that she actually liked, since it was most likely someone that we all knew, or even worked with, and she did not want to be embarrassed. Well, it turns out that it actually WAS someone from work that we all knew, and he and Kayla actually had a previous relationship, although it was many years ago. I was able to discover the identity of this person using the Sigma 14 Coding System, which for those of you who don't know is +11-0+2-11. All you need to do it take each letter and add the appropriate number to it . So here we go.

M+11=X
A-0=A
T+2=V
T-11=I

Therefore Matt = Xavi

It was none other then Xavi Colon. Good for them.

Matty B and the Boxes

Three years ago on a Sunday morning shift, I'm working with Jim and Jen Daboul. Its slow and we're bored, so we collect every empty box in the store and stack them up in the dumpster pad so that they can be broken down once one of the 11 o'clock people shows up. There were a good number of boxes, but nothing outrageous, but we decide that we can have a lot of fun with it. So we go through the entire store and find any open box, remove its contents, and place it in the dumpster pad. By the time we are done, the pad is full, there had to be at least 35-40 boxes. We took 4 of the boxes and placed them by the back door leading to the dumpster pad and shut the door. At about 10:50, Matt Burak shows up for his 11 o'clock shift, and Jen asks him to break down the boxes that are out back when he punches on. Matt punches on and heads out to break down the boxes. We hear him breaking them down from the front of the store, followed by the beep when the back door opens, and then came the best part. The scream from Burak when he saw the rest of the boxes we had piled up. It was hilarious. It probably took him 30 minutes to get them all broken down.

Driving Blind

This story takes place a few years ago, on a Saturday morning. I'm working in the front with Kayla. A car comes through drive-thru and while I'm bagging the order Kayla walks up and this is our conversation.

Kayla: "Hey, I think the guy at drive-thru is blind."
Kyle: "Why?"
Kayla: "He's wearing dark sunglasses and there is a dog in his car."
Kyle: "Oh."
Kayla: "Yea."
Kyle: "Is he driving the car?"
Kayla: "Nevermind."
Kyle: "What?"
Kayla: "....."
Kyle: "Well?"
Kayla: "Yes, he's driving the car."
Kyle: "Oh, it must be one of those new seeing eye cars I've been hearing about."
Kayla: "Shut up."

And there you go.

Snowball Throwing Contest

This story takes place in the middle of the winter. Dan, Jim, Riley and myself are in the dumpster pad hanging out because it is pretty much dead with the blizzard that is going on outside. We decide that the best course of action is to have a snowball throwing contest across the parking lot. Riley decides not to participate, but instead to judge, so he goes out into the parking lot to wait. Dan throws first and his snowball clears the parking lot and lands somewhere in the field behind Dunkin Donuts. I throw next, and my snowball also clears the parking lot and ends up in the field. Now its Jim's turn. He takes his snowball and gets a running Happy Gilmore style start before his throw, and then throws his snowball about a foot out in front of him. It doesn't even get out of the dumpster pad. After Dan and I laugh hysterically, we allow Jim a mulligan so he can throw again. He gets the same running start and instead of throwing his snowball up and out, he throws it straight ahead, and just over the roof of a car that had pulled in front of the dumpster pad on its way to the drive-thru. If he had thrown the snowball about 3 inches lower he would have nailed this woman's car right in the drivers side window. It was hilarious, especially since he only threw the snowball about 10 feet. Since Riley couldn't find exactly where Dan's or my snowball landed, it was declared a 2 way tie for first, with Jim being the loser.

Mozz Stix

Let's start out with a simple, short story. A few years ago, on a summer day, BK was down to its last bag of frozen mozzarella sticks. So as the day progresses, the amount of mozzarella sticks, began to dwindle, until there was just one stick left. Because its relevant to the story, Jim's favorite food at BK at this time was the mozzarella sticks, so you can image how upset he was that they were being discontinued. Back to the point. So there is only one left and of course Jim wants it for himself, so he takes it and puts it in him mouth to eat it. But I'm not going to allow that, so with a gloved left hand, I lash out and grab his face by his cheeks, which forces his mouth open, and I reach in with my right hand, also wearing a glove, and pull out the mozzarella stick and proceed to throw it in the trash, crushing Jim for the remainder of the day, and possible his life, I'm not sure that he has ever fully recovered from that day.

My stories

This blog is a record of the happenings of the Easton BK. All events are TRUE. Although some might not have happened on the premises of BK, they did involve current or former employees.
If you have a problem with any story that you are involved in, or feel that it is inaccurate in anyway, feel free to inform me of the mistake so I can personally tell you were you can shove the complaint. If you would like to have your name changed to protect yourself, that I will do, I'm not a complete asshole. If you have a story you want added, talk to me and I'll probably add it. Ending this, its for fun, if you have a problem or are upset, get over it, if its in this blog, it already happened and you need to get over it. Thank you and goodnight.